Photo credit: Heather Katsoulis Gayani DeSilva, M.D. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and author of A Psychiatrist’s Guide: Helping Parents Reach Their Depressed Tween says that, “Separation anxiety is a completely normal expression of a child’s reaction to physical separation from a parent or caregiver. It can seem to appear overnight and at different times throughout childhood. It may last a few days, or several weeks. If not addressed, then it can escalate to more anxiety and for many months.” She says that the basis of understanding separation anxiety is to understand the process of attachment, and the stages of child development that pertain to attachment and individuation. “As the child progresses through maturing in their ability to attach and remain an individual, moments of anxiety arise and this is normal. It’s the anxiety that arises when change occurs,” Dr. DeSilva says.
Photo credit: Andy via Flickr Dr. DeSilva recommends that parents acknowledge that anxiety is normal and staying calm as an adult is crucial. She says, “Instead of trying to get your child to stop feeling anxious, validate and share in their feelings. You can say, ‘I know you don’t want me to go. I don’t want to go either and I will miss you. But I will be back and I can hardly wait to hug you after I get back from work.’” She recommends lots of hugs and smiles, but do not cling to your child or show hesitation. “Be consistent and reliable. Tell your child you will be back and when–not in terms of time but in terms of activity. ‘I will see you before dinner. Have a good day!’ Make every effort to follow through with your promise so that they develop trust in you.” Dr. Jennifer Guttman is a clinical psychologist and behaviorist with over 20 years of experience in the mental health field and recommends the following six tips for parents and kids: Dr. Guttman’s 4 Ways to Cope: Dr. DeSilva says if separation anxiety creates school avoidance or prolonged distress, “Discuss it with the child at a different time. For instance, in the evening when your child is happy and calm, cuddle and discuss the moment of separation. Do not rehash the past difficulties, except to generally say that it seems to be a difficult moment. Discuss future moments of separation and what might make it easier.” She recommends talking about feelings, ask about your child’s feelings and thoughts. Give a lot of reassurance and reminders that you will always return. Consistency in what parents say and do helps children handle and resolve moments of anxiety. Featured photo credit: Prabakaran Thirumalai
