My friend Ailsa is a professional at this, but I’m not. I tend to take any achievements in stride, barely noticing them, as though just checking them off a mental list. It’s hard for me to really acknowledge when things go right. Yet when I tell Ailsa something I’ve done, she says “Let’s celebrate!” A toast at dinner, a bouquet of flowers, a special outing—these small rituals make life joyful, make achievement meaningful, and help us keep troubles in perspective. In a stepfamily, it’s too easy to focus on the things that still aren’t perfect and to forget the things that work, that have changed, and that represent real movement. If you think you may need some help acknowledging how far you’ve come, take a few moments for the following exercise. In the examples below, I’ve given you a sample of my own responses. Keep in mind that I’ve been at this stepparenting stuff for a dozen years now; you may not be as far along. (On the other hand, you may be a much quicker learner than I am!)
How Far You’ve Come!
Enjoy your victories. You’ve earned them.
